Let’s begin with the confession: I have never listened to a full episode of sex podcast Call Her Daddy. (Not because I don’t necessarily ... want to, but I physically am incapable of sitting through the cringe. I have a visceral reaction to the way Alex Cooper describes sexual encounters, and I feel fairly certain she may or may not be a virgin IRL, but that’s a conversation for another time.)

In any case, I only fell down the CHD rabbithole during the Suitman Saga of 2020. If you need a refresher: In May, after months of speculation that CHD was in a battle with its owner, Barstool Sports, Dave Portnoy came out with a bombshell recording of the episode, laying out that hosts Cooper and Sofia Franklyn were “greedy and unprofessional,” and that Franklyn’s mysterious boyfriend “Suitman” (who turned out to be HBO Sports executive Peter Nelson) was trying to convince the two behind Portnoy’s back they they demand out of their Barstool contract to make more money elsewhere.

Portnoy claimed Cooper came to her senses, privately informed him that she wanted to stay with Barstool, and left Franklyn in the dust. Her cohost (and alleged “best friend” and roommate) had missed her chance.

Social media chaos quickly ensued, and Franklyn was dragged across the Internet for months as Barstool and Cooper profited off of endless “Cancel Suitman” merch. (It didn’t help that the drama unfolded at le perfect time—when many of us were stuck at home quarantining during a global pandemic.) Cooper gained millions of followers who’d previously never heard of CHD prior to its public meltdown, and the podcast moved forward with Cooper alone at the reigns, for what would be known as “The Single Father Era.” 

The entire saga quickly became canon, with millions across the Internet dubbing themselves #TeamAlex. Franklyn, frankly, looked like the loser. 

Until now. 

After months alone at the helm, Cooper’s failed to keep her podcast fresh or engaging for her fan base. Recent guests have included a smorgasbord of white women, including Miley Cyrus, bravolebrity Hannah Berner, porn star Lana Rhoades, and the always-controversial Tana Mongeau (who has a dark history of racism, controversy, and problematic behavior).

According to the Call Her Daddy Reddit, fans have been begging Cooper for months to include more diverse guests and episode themes—only to be ignored over and over and over again. It’s obvious from the subreddit that Cooper has officially lost the plot. 

Not only has she failed to transition CHD successfully into its new format, but her former cohost also launched her own podcast in September, Sofia With an F, to resoundingly positive feedback from the show’s fan base. (In her first episode, Franklyn briefly addresses the drama, but primarily just advises Cooper, Portnoy, and the rest of her Barstool bullies to “keep her name out of their f*cking mouth.)

To add insult to injury, Franklyn’s episodes have felt undeniably fresh, with candid talk of foursomes with ex-boyfriends and LGBTQ+ sex tips with her gay best friend. (Plus, it’s fairly obvious she has actually engaged in intercourse before, whereas Alex's sex tips sound like they were lifted from a horny 14-year-old boy’s diary.) 

So, no, I may have never listened to Call Her Daddy—but I’m proud to admit Sofia With an F was on my Spotify Wrapped top podcasts. #TeamSofia.

Gabi DeMartino’s OnlyFans Account Was Deactivated For… a Very Valid Reason

Trigger warning: Pedophilia.

YouTuber and Arianna Grande cosplayer Gabi DeMartino did something so bizarre and disgusting earlier this week, I wasn’t sure if I should even include it in this column. 

It all started when DeMartino teased a $3 video on her OnlyFans with the message, “won’t put my panties on.” According to several sources in my DMs—and thousands of others online—the clip was a home video of DeMartino as a toddler pulling up her skirt and flashing herself to the camera.

Yes, you read that correctly: Her OnlyFans subscribers thought they were getting a regular ol’ nude and were assaulted with child pornography (which is a Class D felony to purchase or distribute). 

And although she attempted to explain herself, there’s really no going back on this one.

OnlyFans quickly confirmed that her account has been deactivated.

Good f*cking riddance, and I hope to never cover this ghoul in this column again. 

Why Are We Acting Like Amelia Hamlin & Scott Disick’s Relationship Is Normal?

Speaking of children and general inappropriateness, Lisa Rinna’s youngest daughter Amelia Hamlin, 19, appears to still be dating Kris Jenner’s adult child, Scott Disick, 37. (As a reminder, Hamlin is closer in age to Disick’s oldest son, Mason, 11, than she is to Disick himself.)

And while Hamlin is technically a legal adult, there’s something uncomfy to me about watching Disick groom date another woman half his age after the recent dissolution of his relationship with Sofia Richie, 22, whom he also started dating when she was still a teenager. 

Quick question: Can we stop normalizing this? Why were we so angry watching a 31-year-old Prince Charles court an 18-year-old Princess Diana on The Crown if we’re going to keep clicking on E! News and Us Weekly articles with headlines like “Amelia Hamlin Says She’s ‘Thankful’ for Scott Disick Amid Dating Rumors”?

Anyway, these clowns make me tired, and I hope Lisa Rinna ultimately lets Amelia abandon this ill-advised PR campaign. 

See you f*ckers next Thursday! (Sorry, I had to. Thanks, Alex Cooper.)